Booty-ful

Does this dress make me look fat? The one question we should only ask someone who we know will be brutally honest or in Belle’s case, her talking wardrobe.  

So long are the days of being offended when a friend insists our jeans make our butt look big because we all know booty is back. Becky is no longer concerned with big butts, but instead nice hair (or so Beyonce says), squats are all the rage and Kim Kardashian injects fat into her rump for crying out loud.

Pause. Can we discuss the phrase, “crying out loud” for a moment? I say this quite often (so does my Mom…) and it quite frankly does not make any sense. I believe it is to avoid swearing while expressing annoyance, but why are we crying? Shouldn’t we be yelling out loud? Anyways…

Depending on the circumstances, I believe it is acceptable to tell a little white lie if the intention behind the fib is to spare someone’s feelings such as: I had a great time; I’ll call you; I want to stay friends; I am not drunk; Liking his 52 Instagram posts does not make you look crazy;

On occasion I question a resident’s sincerity if he/she dishes out a compliment. Then again, there are many changes with aging and harsh honesty is one of them. So clearly, every compliment I’ve received are authentic and so are the insults…

In Don’t Hate the Player Hate the Game, my true colours were revealed during a playful game. Last week, my face was bright red.

I have a very precise morning routine at work. When I arrive, I transfer coffee from my to-go mug into my Central Perk mug as I scroll through my emails (not at the exact same time; you are all aware of my pouring skills). I’m seated for only a few minutes when one particular resident rolls up to the office door and asks, “are you busy, busy?”

Each morning I reply, “never too busy for you.”

We have a 25 minute conversation while he impatiently waits for his breakfast to be served – majority of the conversation entails his frustration with the fact that his breakfast is not yet served.  

He is legally blind and reminds me every day, just in case I forgot from yesterday’s meet and greet. He describes his vision as a grey haze, fuzzy outlines and movement (hm, sounds like a Saturday night). 

My family was visiting that up coming weekend, so we were discussing them and the festivities I had planned when he asked, “who do you get your good looks from?” (I won’t tell you who I said!)

He added, “well you sure are beautiful.”

Before I had the opportunity to thank him for his kind words, he continued, “but I’m legally blind, so what do I know!”

He shrugged his shoulders and was on his way. 

Maybe next time I’ll ask for his opinion on my outfit…

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